Online Dating: Who Dates Online?

Technology is allowing people to be introduced to others whom they would probably never have met in everyday life under ordinary circumstances (7). There are hundreds of different dating websites to cater for all tastes and preferences, and recently the ability to date online through a smart phone utilising the GPS function to find people on-to-go (10). With mobile phone applications such as Grindr, for men seeking men, Brenda, for women seeking women, and Blendr, for anybody seeking anybody, users can filter through profiles based on location, sharing photos, details and chatting, as a way of breaking the ice before meeting face-to-face (10). Brad, 48, from Fort Lauderdale, uses Grindr regularly because he no longer has ‘to go to a gay bar to approach a guy without being afraid of an uncomfortable situation.’

Fig.1

When it comes to looking for love, technology offers a modern approach, making dating more efficient than ever; but is it possible to form a real, stable, satisfying relationship with someone that you meet online? A recent survey revealed that one in every six couples who married in the last three years met online (9).

Who Dates Online?

In the 1990’s, online dating sites were used more by people who lack social skills and extroversion. More recent studies have found that this is no longer the case (6). As technology integrates into the daily lives of society, online tasks, including online dating, become usual behaviour (1). Today, the variety in online daters better represents variety in society, and the way in which people behave online mirrors their offline behaviour; a lack of social skills is not a significant factor in online dating participation, in fact, those with a high level of dating anxiety are less likely to use dating websites than those who are more comfortable with offline dating (12). Valkenburg & Peter (2007) found that 43% of single internet users had used online dating sites, and there was no significant difference in gender, income level or education.

Fig.2

Users of online dating have the intention of meeting and forming a relationship with the people they communicate with online, and use online methods to supplement their traditional offline dating, however online they can maximise their exposure (3). Nathalie, 37, from Montreal, dates online ‘to meet the man of [her] dreams’. Although she is a highly sociable person offline, after using four different dating sites over a span of five years, 90% of the men she’s dated she met online. Despite believing that people are less honest online, Nathalie says she likes meeting men this way:

...because you know from the start that you want the same thing. I don’t have to waste time and money getting drunk in a bar to find out if he’s worth talking to. We’ll chat for a few hours online, and if he sounds nice I’ll want to speak to him on the phone. If it feels right, we’ll meet. I don’t spend weeks online chatting.

Why Date Online?

A study by Couch & Liamputtong (2008) found changing personal circumstances to be the main reason why people turn to online dating, such as divorce, moving to a new city, when wanting to be discretely unfaithful to their partners, or a way of meeting people for dates or sex when travelling.

The filtering functions of online dating make it a very efficient way of finding quality matches (Jones, 2011). Searches for mates can be restricted to exclude people that don’t fit desired criteria. Gina, 25, from Montreal, filters through profiles on Plenty of Fish based on height, weight, sexuality and star sign. She says ‘I’d want to know from the get-go if they’re bisexual. I’m not into that.’ She also noted that her favourite part of online dating was that it was easier to ‘ignore annoying people you don’t want to talk to anymore’.

Kang & Hoffman (2011) found that online daters, on average, have less trust, not only of people they talk to online, but in general. They suggested this was a reason why they are more inclined to date online, where they have more control over their self-representation and the pace of the relationship progression. Filtering through peoples’ features, interests and habits is a kind of risk-management that users undertake in the hope that they can avoid disappointment when they physically meet (8).

When people create their profiles they are choosing what to put in and what to leave out. This has been described as a negotiation between ‘accuracy and desirability in self-presentation’ (5 cited in 3, p.272). Gina mentioned that online dating ‘is a gamble’, and as Jeff, 49, from Alice Springs, found out, people don’t always tell the truth about their weight, and online you will never know whether someone has ‘bad breath and white gunk at the side of her mouth’.

How is it used?

Online dating is a method of facilitating physical meetings, not replacing them. Communicating online for any amount of time cannot tell you what you generally know about someone after 30 seconds of meeting them (3), though the lack of visual and behavioural cues enhances the focus on the exchange of personal information, which can speed up the progress of the relationship (2, cited in 1).

Fig.4

It has been suggested that people find this anonymity liberating and open up online (13, cited in 8), divulging personal information to strangers which they wouldn’t usually share with close friends or relatives (4; 11 cited in 1), however Attrill & Jalil (2011) found this not to be true as most online daters have the intention to form a relationship with the people they communicate with, so the type of information they disclose follows a similar pattern to a face-to-face relationship initially. Through online communication the quantity of personal information exchanged is greater due to the lack of visual prompts, but the depth or quality of information is not. People reveal only superficial information about themselves through online communication, although in a larger quantity and at a faster pace than they would in a relationship that was solely offline (1).

Nathalie, Gina, Jeff and Brad claim to reveal the same type of personal information whether dating online or offline, though Linda, 41, from Tuggerah, says she tends to reveal more online where she feels she has more self-esteem.

REFERENCES

1- Attrill, A, & Jalil, R, 2011, ‘Revealing only the superficial me: exploring categorical self-disclosure online’, Computers in Human Behaviour, 27, 5, pp. 1634-1642, Academic Search Complete, EBSCOhost, viewed 18 January 2012.

2- Baker, AJ, 2005, ‘Double click: romance and commitment among online couples’ Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.

3- Couch, D, & Liamputtong, P, 2008, ‘Online dating and mating: the use of the internet to meet sexual partners’, Qualitative Health Research, 18, 2, pp. 268-279, E-Journals, EBSCOhost, viewed 26 January 2012.

4- Derlega, VJ, & Chaikin, AL, 1977, ‘Sharing intimacy: what we reveal to others and why’, New York: Prentice Hall.

5- Ellison, N, Heino, R, & Gibbs, J, 2006, ‘Managing impressions online: self-presentation processes in the online dating environment’, Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 11, 2, pp. 415-441.

6- Greenspan, R, 2003, ‘Socializing surfers shop forfriends, dates’ Clickz [online] 26November. 

7- Jane, E, 2011, ‘The geekgirl’s guide to finding love online’, Apc, 31, 2, pp. 66-71, Australia/New Zealand Reference Centre, viewed 13 January 2012.

8- Kang, T, & Hoffman, L, 2011, ‘Why would you decide to use an online dating site? Factors that lead to online dating’, Communication Research Reports, 28, 3, pp. 205-213, Education Research Complete, EBSCOhost, viewed 18 January 2012.

9- Match.com& Chadwick Martin Bailey, 2010, ‘Match.com and ChadwickMartin Bailey 2009-2010 studies: recent trends: online dating’ [pdf]

10- Rachel, O, 2011, ‘Meeting app with new friends is changing the way we greet the future’, Sydney Morning Herald, The, 15 October, Australia/New Zealand Reference Centre, EBSCOhost, viewed 21 January 2012.

11- Rubin, Z, 1975, ‘Disclosing oneself to a stranger: reciprocity and its limits’, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 11, pp.233-260.

12- Valkenburg, P, & Peter, J, 2007, ‘Who visits online dating sites? Exploring some characteristics of online daters’, Cyberpsychology & Behaviour, 10, 6, pp. 849-852, Academic Search Complete, EBSCOhost, viewed 18 January 2012.

13- Whitty, MT, & Carr, AN, 2006, ‘Cyberspace romance: the psychology of online relationships.’ Hampshire, UK: Palgrave Macmillan.